of course you do

I don't know what to do.

There are so many happy things to focus on.
Like, the dress fitting I had last night, the coffee talk I shared with Paige, the backyard play visits from Rosalynn and Violet.
But I just can't seem to figure out what to do.
I haven't posted in awhile because the words don't come.



That is such a cute outfit Anne, she says.
I smile and nod and think - who the hell cares about my outfit? You think my outfit is cute?!????!?! Of course you do.


I am starting to notice that I don't care at all....it is quickly slipping away. The caring I mean. The caring about what I did or didn't do or need to do or have to do.

I know this doesn't make any sense to you. I can't say what I really want to say just yet. Someday, I am optimistic.

All will be okay - I will head home this afternoon and pick up some food or not pick up some food and then get home and play with Judy as much as I can and then fall asleep and wait to dream the dreams you dream about.

What do I do?
I wait.