st. paul

Going to St. Paul today to meet some friends for lunch and do a little shopping! I can't wait!!!

ache with

The feeling of being home and thinking of nothing else than just being home...yeah, that is where I am right now.

Since last Thursday I have met with friends and family, carried out traditions and new experiences, and have celebrated non-stop. It has been all too wonderful to even begin to explain. Just being present and with all of them...well, there have been moments where I could feel my heart ache with happiness.

Life begins to make more sense when you least expect it.

happy holidays

The...holiday-2005-update-on-my-life-letter:

Dear friends and family,

-After a year of waking up to velvet foam cappuccinos and caramel lattes I decided to move out of my cozy little corner of downtown St. Paul called Starbucks Coffee Company.

-I had a summer like we did in second grade, well sort of...I blogged. I took a rode trip with my Mom to Montana. I hung out with friends all day and all night. I shopped. And I decided to move to Iowa.

-It was tough to leave my friends in St. Paul but I knew that it was time to finally be in the same state as Jake.

-As far as the job search goes I didn't have a back up plan. So with but one call and one five-hour interview I now have a salary, paid vacation and a retirement plan!

-Now that Jake and I live in our respected apartments just a three-minute drive apart we go on walks, dates and are adjusting to what a "non-long distance" relationship feels like. We just celebrated our six-year anniversary and are enjoying this new stage of our partnership.

-My Mom retired this October, my Dad is still working at the college and my brother Peter and his girlfriend Cassie are both graduating from college this December. We are all adjusting to the sad lose of our dog, Patches. After a long life we had to put her to sleep this past month.

-I continue to be healthy and happy and look forward to what life has to bring. Optimism and enthusiasm will take you anywhere! Know that I think of you all often and hope that you are well. Call or write anytime.

The blogger addition:

-After only 10 months of blogging I can honestly say that my life would not be the same without the people I have come to appreciate through this crazy blogging world. I never would have imagined how much reading thousands of words, hundreds of stories and thoughts could mean to me. Thank you all for your inspiration!

Happy Holidays!

eyes aching

I worked at my computer all day today until my eyes started aching.

Tonight Jake and I saw Pride and Prejudice, it was so good.

Then we carried a futon mattress down to Jake's car so he could bring it back to his apartment.

It had been on my floor for over a month.

Right now I am sitting on the floor where the mattress used to be.

Tomorrow I think my eyes aching again will be inevitable.

between now

I have only two days of work between now and my return on January 3rd.

Until then I wait.

My holiday cards have been sealed and sent.

My packages have been picked and packed.

I am ready.

For my days to be filled with friends, family and food!

graduates

We ran in the bitter cold from the parking lot that was closed. I didn't care where we parked because we were in a hurry. I didn't want to miss anything. Mankato has more snow than Ames. And it is much colder too. Jake forgot his mittens and hat in Iowa. My grandma Adeline had slept over the night before and I had just had morning coffee with her. She is hilarious. While she was putting her coat on she realized that her pants were blue instead of black. She wants us to tell her from now on if she doesn't match. As we arrived and ran inside, we saw that the stage was set, the graduates were ready, and the music was about to begin. I caught Peters eye as he marched into his seat. He smiled and gave us a little wave. I finally found were Cassie sat and caught her eye. They were both graduating from college. They started together four and a half years ago...and now they are quite a pair! Congratulations Peter and Cassie!

warm lefsa

Geez.

My Dad sent me a package from Norsland Lefsa. Which was delivered by Speedy Delivery. I missed it on Tuesday so I gave them a call and they said it would be here on Wednesday. It didn't arrive on Wednesday. I gave them a call again today and they said it would be here by 3 pm. Well, it is not here and I am starting to get really perturbed. I am really in the mood for some warm sugary lefsa. I guess they are not so speedy.

I bet they opened my package and ate it all.

I wouldn't blame them.

Lefsa is gooood.

as snowflakes

While driving to work yesterday I was reminded of the surprising beauty of winter.

The sky was blue with a few wispy clouds and everything was wrapped in sparkling frost.

I called Jake and told him to look outside before it all melted!

Indeed, when I left for lunch it had started to melt.

But that night Jake and I watched as snowflakes the size of footballs fell from the sky!

a line

I went to the post office today. I bought stamps.

There was a line.

I wondered...how can all these people be here at 10:30 am...don't they work?

And then I remember that I am standing in line too.

in another

Sometimes I wish I was from another time.

Last night I watched Hoosiers.

As I watched I couldn't help imagine what life would have been like had I been born in another time.

A time when cars were classics. And boys wore letter jackets.

I love the spirit. I love the competition. I love the small town. I love that it is set in the Midwest. I love the time.

My grandfather was a basketball coach and I never met him. I think of him and especially my Dad whenever I watch this movie. I know where I get my competitiveness.

I sometimes wish I was from another time...or maybe just that I could go back in time.

If I could I would go to a basketball game that my Grandfather coached. I would sit in the stands and I would cheer.



Basketball team photo, including my Grandfather.

one form

I got a new drivers license this afternoon around three o'clock.

After taking my information I watched as she tossed my MN license on top of the pile into a tupperware container next to her computer.

I looked at the pile, I looked back at her and said, "Don't I get to keep that?" She informed me that in Iowa you are only allowed one form of identification. She didn't give it back.

I smiled for my new picture and wrote a check for twenty three dollars. A few minutes later I walked out the door with my new Iowa drivers license and a little different.

puffy

As tears roll out of my puffy eyes down my checks I miss her.

Last night after what seemed like an already bad day I found out that my dog, Patches, was put to sleep.

I could not stop crying. I really really couldn't.

Even though I had said "good-bye" to her when I was home for Thanksgiving, I am still so sad.

I didn't think it would be this hard.

can't be so

It's what's for dinner.

A family tradition.

It's what I choose as my special birthday meal.

I can always count on it as the perfect leftover.

Spaghettie meat pie is what we call it...and I decided to make it for myself this past Saturday.


This past year I have joined two local co-ops and have chose organic over conventional. When buying meat, which is seldom, I look for organic. My Co-op in Ames, Iowa is not as abundant as my old St. Paul, MN Co-op...so at times I have to shop at the local Hy-Vee (a Midwest grocery store...or maybe it just Southern Minnesota and Northern Iowa...hmmm? I need to travel more).

On Saturday I couldn't find any organic beef and couldn't bring myself to get the conventional beef. I prefer my cows to actually graze in pastures and feed on grass as opposed to stuck in a cage and force fed corn mush with a side of antibiotics.

Stearing away from the beef packages wrapped in cellophane I decide to try something new. I head back to the Natural Market corner where all that weird "natural" food is located...like soy products and expensive organic stuff...please note the intended sarcasm. And then I see it---Gimmi Lean meatless fat free cholesterol free meat. I think to myself, "It can't be so bad. It says to just fry it up in a skillet and is great in tacos, marinara sauce, omelets, and lasagna, or just sausage patties."

I'll give anything a try.

As hard as I try it doesn't taste like my favorite meat pie.

My fake meat just wasn't that good for dinner.

over the

I just talked to Jake in Germany! Our conversation occured through our lap tops over the Internet using Skype.

He also sent some pictures the other day, this is a sign he found in a residential neighborhood!



I miss you Jake but I am so glad you are having so much fun!!!

justify my

It is 5:20 pm and I am still in my pj's and robe. I actually have only been awake for four hours.

In those four hours I have watched Headliners and Legends hosted by Matt Lauer on Oprah and countless TLC decorating shows...drank a hot cup of green tea and heated up some pizza from late last night.

I don't really know where to start...should I take a shower, get dressed, clean up my mess, or just save myself some time and stay in my pj's?

I am maybe a little lazy today.

Here is the part where I justify my laziness: For the past three weekends I have been on the road...so I haven't had a relaxing weekend "home" in awhile.

I also might be a little lonely today.

Here is the part where I justify my loneliness: Jake left on Tuesday for Germany and won't return until next Sunday.

dancing with

How could I have missed them?
I remember glancing up and seeing their bright colors and thinking..I should take a walk.
But they fell so fast.

Now I see through the branches and over to the street.
The shade is gone.

The few still holding on are dancing with the wind.

a little

I know I have been a little behind with my comments on all the blogs I visit. Which makes me feel that I am neglecting my blogger friends.

Tonight I was thinking about that...there is a difference between "non-blogger friends" and "blogger friends" but sometimes I wish there wasn't.

Because I know that if I saw a "blogger friend" on the street, I would most definitely scream with joy and give them a huge hug...just as I would do with a "non-blogger friend."

Basically I am a little jealous that Cheryl, Marissa and Mindi all had brunch last Sunday.

still reading

Hi. I am still here.

I am busy and tired from my new job.

I am trying to find that balance of life that we all strive to achieve. Well, I haven't found it yet.

To all my blogger friends out there, know that I am still reading...but not commenting as much.

I am tired now.

the subject said

It still has the crease marks from where I folded it and kept it in my pocket six years ago. I remember reading it aloud to all the girls on my floor and they always wanted to hear it again.

The subject said I love you.

Anne,

Of all the things I have done while I have been here, whether it be hanging out with my friends, acing a test, or walking across campus on a beautiful fall afternoon, nothing has given me the feeling your card gave me today. I was so happy. To think that there is someone as caring, creative, beautiful, smart, and happy as you out there, is in itself amazing. You are truly a gift to this world. Never change.

That being said, I just wanted to let you know how much I love you. So if you want to find out, walk outside at 3:00 pm, close your eyes and tilt your head to the sky, take a deep breath and open your eyes. When all you can see is the wide blue sky and the drops of red and orange in the trees, that is how much.

Missing you in Iowa.

Jake wrote this before he knew I liked him, before we became best friends, before we fell in love, and before I moved to Iowa to finally be together. I know now what I knew then, that he makes me feel like no one else ever has....and that their is no one I would rather be with.

new colors

I had a summer of freedom! My days were my decisions and my time was endless. I squeezed possibility out of every moment.



Fall has arrived in Iowa. The harvest is here! The trees are new colors my eyes have never seen and the air is crisp with anticipation.

classic ingman

Happy Birthday Ben! Cheers to you for a wonderful year ahead! Miss you!

wine trap

Last night I made a wine trap. I did this by filling a small dish with white wine, tightly wrapping plastic wrap around the dish and then poking three small holes on the top.

I was going to catch the itty bitty fruit flies in my kitchen!

The smell of the fermenting fruit attracts them. They eventually find their way in through the holes and then are trapped.

They probably die trying to escape or...they drink themselves to death.

When I woke up this morning I had caught two!!! And this afternoon I caught another one! Three total now.

back side

I considered taking them off.

Instead all week I slipped into the back row wishing my car could hide in an open parking spot.

It was as if every car in the parking lot were white and mine was the lime green one...with balloons and arrows pointing to it.

My self consciousness surprised me, I am not usually like this...I even asked Jake, "Do you think I should remove them?"

It was the new job, not knowing anything about these people, and wanting them to like me...that was steering me towards that back corner spot.

The road is anonymous. A work parking lot is not.

Until today when my co-worker and I had to go somewhere in his car...as we walked to his car I was incredibly aware of my back side.

I held my breath. Mine was next to his...

As we drive away he turns to me and says, "Oh, by the way, I love your bumper stickers."

I was ecstatic!


I can't believe I ever considered taking them off.

pecan cluster

I worked at this little DQ in high school, every summer home from college, and even during graduate school.

That is DQ Joe in the doorway, DQ Joe is on his license plate.

We are not a Brazier, we don't have a grill. But we do have BBQ's, and Joe makes them with his secret recipe.

We also make all our own dilly's, buster bars, and DQ sandwiches. We have over 15 dilly flavors, including toasted coconut, black raspberry, orange, lime, chocolate peppermint, bubble gum, banana, and pina colada.

When I was home two weeks ago I stopped in to get a pecan cluster blizzard and I didn't recognize anyone working. I was sad, because for (yikes!) almost eight years I have been a little part of this place...where everyone knows your name.



Check out my fellow DQ alumni and good friend Meghan's blog...she posted some funny DQ stories from this summer. Also, Jake's sister, the amazing Katie just started a blog a few weeks ago, she is a natural blogger!

belly busting

I ran home after lunch because I couldn't button my pants. I was incredibly uncomfortable and I didn't think I could sit at my desk with my pants unzipped (even though I did it just for a second and it felt like heaven). I changed into some pants that I could breath easier in and not have to worry about my belly busting the button. I wonder if anyone noticed?

i do miss my friends

day to begin

I awoke knowing that it was my first day of my new career. I was ready for the day to begin. I had planned out my outfit the night before and even flossed before I went to bed.

When I woke up I called Jake and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. I haven't exercised in months. Let alone gotten up early to do it. We walked in the misty morning rain.

I shaved my legs. I sprayed volumizing tonic in my hair. I threw an apple in my purse. I set my tape to record Oprah.

I now have an office (okay...it's only a cubicle) but it has a desk and a computer and a telephone and office supplies (which is my favorite part). There was even a plant welcoming me! I am going to have a business credit card. I get vacation hours and sick leave and insurance.

I will be working afternoons and nights now (which means I will have to do some serious taping of my shows, but that is okay). I am working with college students. Today I found out these students are exceptional and talented; which is so exciting!

I know I made a good first impression today. And that makes me feel really great.

no longer

I no longer can watch TV all day.
I no longer can say that I did nothing all day.
I no longer can leave for days at a time with not a care in the world.
I no longer can stay in my pajamas all day.
I no longer can blog all day.
I no longer can do all these things because I am no longer unemployed!

I got the job!

reality?

Today Amanda and I walked over a bridge hundreds of feet in the air.

We walked through burning fire.

We screamed when we feel off a cliff.

We flew through caves and passages.

And we both got nauseous.





I had never entered virtual reality before and I don't think I will head back...

Amanda visited this weekend!!! We have been friends since high school and she is one of my most dear friends. She has inspired me and made me laugh for as long as I have known her. I was so happy that she came to see me in my new city!

We had the most wonderful dinner Friday night. Jake and I made some delicious food...ricotta cheese herb spread, a pear salad with a sweet balsalmic vinaigrette, roasted tomato pasta and a chocolate fudge cake...yummy!

This morning after coffee and scones (chit-chat scones of course) we headed to Iowa State campus for a tour. Jake gave a great tour and showed us the Virtual Reality Center where he works and studies most of his days away. It continues to amaze me that he knows how this stuff works, can actually create it, and then explain how it works to others. He is pretty amazing.

After our tour of campus and our (very fun but nauseating) virtual reality demo, Amanda and I lounged by the pool all afternoon. It was a beautiful day is Ames Iowa!

Then we both drove back to Northfield Minnesota to her house! ha! Tomorrow some other friends are coming here for a day tour of some local farms. I am also heading to Mankato to see the family for a few days.

you contaminate

Today in a public restroom I turned the faucet off for the woman next to me.

I did it because she was drying her hands and I thought maybe she forgot. I also did it because I couldn't stop thinking that she was wasting water. Every time I see someone wasting good water I can't help but think, Well, there goes my great grandchildren's water just running down the drain.

Anyway.

The woman turns to me and says, "You shouldn't have done that."

Yikes, what did I do? I thought. "Why?" I say.

"Because after you wash and dry your hands you contaminate them by touching the faucet," she says.

She actually said contaminate. Contaminate. Is this woman crazy? Who says contaminate? Just the sound of the word made the small portion of my fingers that had just touched the faucet start to tingle a little.

"Oh. Yeah, well I also have to open this door with the handle that is probably contaminated too. It's everywhere. But I know what you mean," I say.

This woman doesn't know that I have been putting toilet paper down on public restroom toilet seats my entire life. I have also been opening doors with my feet for years. I know what this woman means.

Today I just didn't care.

trisha and travis

I was a sophomore in college and Trisha had been my roommate for two years. She had a crush on Travis. But Travis was dating some other girl (but I think secretly wanted to date Trisha). So when Travis and I met for the very first time I asked him right away why he wasn't dating Trisha! He was shocked and so was Trisha. I am a little forward with my thoughts sometimes...but it turns out I was right. Today is there two year wedding anniversary and this is their little boy Brody. Look at those lips!



Congratulations Trisha and Travis!!! I wish you all the best!

fulltime me

I have been without Internet for too long...but today I finally got it hooked up in my apartment and it feels great to be connected again!

Since the last time I posted I have been settling into my new apartment and surroundings. I now live with vaulted ceilings, a dishwasher, counter space, 500 square feet, free Internet, free cable television, and air conditioning. I also have a pool and a parking space. Oh, and brand new carpet. Needless to say I really like my new apartment.



Lately I sorta wake up and go to bed with no routine in mind, I eat meals but crave ice cream and chips most of the time, I sit by the pool and read, or watch Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List all afternoon, and after I have cleaned my apartment and set it up perfectly more than once a day...I know that it is time. Time to get out. Time to explore. And time to ace my second interview tomorrow and get hired for a real job!

Just so you know being fulltime "me" is not difficult. But I have been "me" fulltime now for about two months and let's face it, my money is running out.

Even though this past week was completely free of any structured activity this past weekend was a little more active. On Saturday Jake and I tailgated with some friends at the Iowa State vs. University of Iowa football game. The day was a blur of 80,000 crazed fans, barbecuing brats and melting special-k bars, drunken students and alumni, packed between huge RV's with smoking grills in a very hot parking lot. This football game is a BIG DEAL and a huge rivalry. Jake and I were so hot we escaped to a park to steal some wonderful shade from a tree. Heat is extremely exhausting.



Yesterday our friend Matt from high school was driving through Iowa and stopped for lunch. Matt is a drummer for the band Friends Like These and had a show in Missouri. It was so great to see a familiar face and our lunch with him was fantastic!

poor bird

My wake up call at 7:45 brought me scones and cappuccinos. Jake hasn't gotten up that early in years! ha! Isn't he sweet?! This is great living in the same city!

While sipping our cappuccinos we decided that my windows were really pathetic and needed a good cleaning. This was not an easy task. There were six sliding glass windows that needed to be removed and both sides were caked in a fine layer of dirt. I tired everything but nothing satisfied me. They were still dirty.

Conventional window cleaners having nothing compared to a home remedy of white vinegar, water and newspaper...my windows now sparkle streak free. A bird actually just smashed into my window. Poor bird.

things are good

I am so happy right now. I have been in Ames, Iowa for a week. Jake and I really like living in the same city together. I got a new apartment and move in next week. Even though I had a crappy phone interview on Monday, I had a great phone interview today. My friend Trisha called, she just started graduate school and loves it. This evening I headed up to MN for the weekend. My Dads birthday is on Saturday. And I need to get the rest of my furniture from St. Paul. During my 3 1/2 hour car ride I spoke with my friend Casey, who is in New York right now and when we called he was running across Broadway and when we hung up it was raining! I thought about my NY blogger friends. I stopped in Northfield to visit Amanda and Matt, they just got a new iBook and iPod. Amanda heated up some food for me and we talked and laughed and it was like I hadn't even left! I am sleeping over and we are going to have coffee in the morning. Tomorrow I am going to pack up the rest of my stuff in St. Paul. And I am going to see Paige and Allisa. I need to call my friends Meghan and Edmund too. Things are good.

these places

Hello! I really appreciate all of you out there...Wherever you are in this world!

Recently my partner Jake helped me find this unique site that shows the location of the last twenty people to visit any website. It updates every few hours and you can zoom in and see the city, state, or country a visitor is from.

The last twenty people who have visited my blog are from these places.



This website does this for free!

one to stumble

"Tell me about a time when you avoided a problem for a school or work project by keeping others informed? "

Huh? Crap, I have no idea. What kind of question is that?

I can't think of anything. Nothing is coming out of my mouth....except, Ahhhhh...ummmm....hmmmm.

That is a really good question, I compliment. Basically just trying to fill some of the silence.

Then I actually say, Oh, wow, ummm, I really don't know.

I just start talking, I don't even know where I came up with the words to finally answer this ridiculous question, but I did, and it was horrible.

Oh well. I have another one to stumble through on Wednesday.

romantic comedy

Had another wedding this weekend. There was almost a two hour gap from the end of the ceremony to the start of the reception...we brought a laptop and watched The Wedding Date at a park.


As we were watching our movie, an older woman sat at the table behind us. I turned around and watched her take out of her bag hard boiled eggs, mayonnaise, and a fork. She then proceeded to peel the eggs and make the egg salad. At a park...? Is that weird?

I guess we were watching a romantic comedy at a park.

me blogging

This is me blogging at Jakes. We both live in Ames, Iowa. We eat lunch together now.

into her shoe

Arriving early to Ames I decide to surprise Jake on campus after his class. Walking over from his apartment I asked the first person I saw for directions.

She had red hair like Anne Shirley (from Anne of Green Gables) and it looked like she might have just started a jog but was not out of breath yet...I go ahead and ask her:

"Do you know where Howe Hall is...?"

Oh, no I don't (total devastation). But I have a map in my shoe!!

She quickly bends down, takes off her shoe and pulls out her Iowa State University campus map, which was folded neatly to fit into her shoe.

"Oh great (smile on my face)! So are you new?"

Yeah. Are you?

She asked this with such desperation in her voice.

I wanted so badly to say yes, that I was...because in reality I am. My move to Ames is new for me just like her, I am nervous and excited just like her...but instead I say, "No, sorry, I'm not. But, hey how is your first week going?"

Oh, it is going okay. It is a little overwhelming. I have this Human Development class and there are so many statistics and sometimes it just gets to be too much...

"Yeah, I know how that goes."

As we both study the map I notice her orange highlighted routes.

She points ahead and says, You should run into if you go that way.

"Great! Thanks so much! And have a great year!"

She smiles and bends over with her map folded ready to stuff back into her shoe.

the bear

Okay, here is the bear! I know that it looks small...but sometimes photos do not do reality justice. At the time it felt close, scary, but also beautiful. To be honest, I just wanted to watch it and not scare it away.


Jakes foot (size 13) compared to the foot of the bear.

hot noodles

Isn't our world beautiful? This view is from the top of a mountain in Alaska, taken last summer.

Ben and I are making dinner; we had hiked up the mountain all day and were starving. I insisted we bring cheese and summer sausage and mix it together with some hot noodles. Because I knew it would taste so good; and it was delicious.



We saw a bear an hour later. Jake and Ben yelled for it to go away but not before I took a picture.

my table

This is my table in my apartment. It used to be in my parents house and I grew up eating breakfast at it with my brother every morning before school. He usually ate Frosted Flakes. That is my iBook that I use everyday to check E-mail, blog and upload pictures. That black cord hooks up to my camera and computer and transfers the photos into iPhoto for me. Nice and easy. The flowers in the bowls are from Amanda, she brought them for me Tuesday when I had knitting club at my place. They are from the organic farm that I visited. Those are my keys. That little silver pocket knife is from Jakes friend Brain, it has Jakes initials on it. The red leash is only there because my dog slept over. My cell phone has a camera on it. I just brought that note pad from Mankato...it has my to-do lists in it right now. Those three jars on the window sill are filled with sand from Red Rock in Nevada. Jake and Ben climbed there this spring. I have tea light candles in the jars also. The rocking chair is from a woman in my apartment building whose name is Honey. She is a sweet sweet friend and one day she asked me if I wanted it, she told me it was the first piece of furniture she ever bought for herself. And now I have it. My friends love to sit there when they visit. The rug is from IKEA. The plants are from Amanda, she really has a gift for growing and somehow I have been able to keep them alive for over a year. I bought that little TV to fit in my little apartment. For some reason it takes eleven seconds to turn on. The CD that is laying on top of my "CD case" is Romantica, Luke is the bass player and is Paige's husband. They play music wonderfully. The picture frame on the shelf has a little print that I bought on the Saint Charles Bridge in Prague. There is a hand blown pitcher right below that I found at an estate sale. From the window at left I get five bars of Internet for free. At the other window my neighbor caught me stealing his Internet!

three visitors

I had three visitors today. One is sleeping over.

We walked to W.A. Frost for dinner just a few blocks away. We sat outside. My Dad was really hungry and thought his food was delicious (and my Mom's soup). Deciding against dessert at the restaurant we headed back to my apartment. I cut up the peach my Mom brought and scooped the vanilla ice cream. I took them up to the roof and I snapped a few photos. We admired my herbs and decided my basil looks amazing. My Dad then watched The Andy Griffith Show while my Mom and I rested on the bed. Then they said good-bye and it was just me and my dog, Patches.

I can only imagine what she is thinking. Where am I? Why do I not recognize anything? Why is there no room in here to walk around and sniff? I want to go home now.

Random thought....Dogs and babies can be so mesmerizing. Have you ever noticed this before---you are with a group of people and no eyes can avert the constant entertainment of these foreign creatures(?)

For the past half hour I watched her in my apartment. She walks from my rug to my kitchen...it only takes her a second to sniff the refridgerator, the stove, and then the wall...then she goes to her water dish, her food dish, then back to the rug...Oh, look there she goes into my tiny bathroom...then to my closet...then back to my rug...around to the VCR, then she licks my foot...then back to the kitchen. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

Even though she is probably going to wake me up at 2 am to go outside, I don't even care. I love her so much that I just watched her eat.

coming to

Time is running out. My money is running out.

I search and search for jobs. I search and search for apartments.

I am moving in less than two weeks.

And then there is my resume.
Is it too long?
Does it make sense?
Is the format weird?

I want a job that inspires me. I want to be proud of where I work.
Does this exist?
Can I find a job?

I am afraid this having a summer like we did in second grade is slowly coming to an end.

Help!

a passage

Last Saturday my good friends Jeanette and Shawn got married. This Saturday my friends Gina and Rich got married. Both amazing couples and both incredibily fun celebrations. Meghan (who happens to be Gina's sister!) and I read a passage from Gift From The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh at Jeanette and Shawn's wedding. I took the picture below of Gina on her wedding day.

For marriage, which is always spoken of as a bond, becomes actually, many bonds, many strands, of different texture and strength, making up a web that is taut and firm. The web is fashioned of love. Yes, but many kinds of love: romantic love first, then a slow-growing devotion and, playing through these, a constantly rippling companionship. It is made of loyalties, and interdependencies, and shared experiences. It is woven of memories of meetings and conflicts; of triumphs and disappointments. It is a web of communication, a common language, and the acceptance of lack of language, too; a knowledge of likes and dislikes, of habits and reaction, both physical and mental. It is a web of instincts and intuitions, and known and unknown exchanges. The web of marriage is made by propinquity, in the day to day living side by side, looking outward and working outward in the same direction. It is woven in space and in time of the substance of life itself.

same state

After twelve days of being home in Mankato I am finally heading back to St. Paul. I am leaving tomorrow morning.

These next few weeks are going to be wild. I want to do many things before I actually move to Iowa. Did I mention that I am really moving to Iowa to finally live in the same state as Jake? I can't remember if I officially posted about it. Anyway, I want to do so many things before I leave that I need to make a big to-do list right now.

I am completely overwhelmed with feelings of transition and limbo. I feel splintered and I hate feeling splintered. It is sorta driving be crazy. Today I called my Dad at work and broke down...he made me feel better though.

slipped into

There was no one at the ticket counter...I didn't even hesitate. I opened the door and walked straight ahead, trying to look like I belonged. Inside I spotted the drinking fountain, Perfect I thought, A purpose! I totally need to get a drink of water. I saw the Men's Bathroom, but where is the Woman's Bathroom? I now knew that I had picked the wrong side. No bathroom to take cover and no theater that I sought insight. I saw the woman with the lavender shirt go to the ticket booth now. "Seventeen fifty, first theater on your right." My stride was smooth, well as smooth as I could make it with my mind racing with the thought of being asked, "Can I see your ticket please?". I entered the bathroom and looked in the mirror. What am I doing? I still hadn't found the theater with the movie I came to see. Now I started to really panic and considered aborting the mission. Instead I peaked around the corner and saw March Of The Penguins only thirty feet ahead of me. I walked straight for it and slipped into the darkness.

For the first fifteen minutes I thought for sure the police were going to come in and take me away.

life in a box

Since Monday I have been in my pajamas.

After a whirlwind of a wedding weekend I decided to stay in Mankato to organize my "old" room.

Four days later I am still in my pajamas.

I have literally saved every note from middle school, every notebook from high school, and every last paper and assignment from college and graduate school.

I have shuffled through boxes and boxes of saved letters from camp, notes from by B/F/F/E's, and birthday cards. I read through my Hello Kitty grade school journals, and yes, they were locked (luckily I had saved the key).

All my crushes flashed through my head again.
All the drama of high school.
All the heartache.
All the questions about life.
All the goals.
All the insecurities.
All the sadness.
Everything. Flashed through my head again.

I have saved my entire life in boxes and for the past four days I watched myself grow up again.

I read letters that brought me to tears. Letters from my little brother when he was in first grade, letters from my Mom when she had a free minute at school, letters from my Dad sent to me during my weeks at camp...I still remember getting those letters. I read through hundreds of cards and little notes left by my college roommate Trisha (sometimes just saying, Good luck on your Biology test!). I read letters that made me remember what amazing friends I have from home. And then the notes to myself usually scribbled on scrapes of paper.

It wasn't just letters in those boxes, it was also my education. From British Literature, to Physics, to Social Psychology, to Interpersonal Communication, to Logic, to Photography and to Statistics I took one last look and then I recycled.

I can't keep everything forever. I saved things that I thought would make me happy in twenty years when I pull out my boxes again.

I don't know if I can really fit my life in a box but at least I tried.

gift from

This is Maya and Meghan at the rehearsal today. Maya is so beautiful (and so is Meghan!). At the wedding Meghan and I will be reading a passage from Gift From The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. We read tomorrow night...well, I guess I mean tonight, it is 2 am...!!!



So far this weekend has been crazy fun. I am too tired right now to write. I can say that being with all my friends, the people who I grew up with, is always unbelievable. Just to be home feels good.

27 years ago

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. I can only imagine how you must have felt 27 years ago! Such joy and happiness! Congratulations and I love you both.

christabro

Oh my gosh, is this little man not the cutest? I finally got to see my friend Christa's (of christabro) new house and see how much her little boy has grown!!! It was a great afternoon of catching up.



p.s. I am home in Mankato for the weekend, my good friends from high school are getting married on Saturday! I am a reader (and she only asked me to do it yesterday...everything is last minute for them and they love it...it might drive me a little crazy but oh well!)

circle of

I cried last night.


Paige's invitation said to meet at 7 pm at her loft downtown.

I arrived at 7:15 and I was the first one there (I am always the first to arrive...).

Then Chanda arrived with warm brownies. Then Allisa. Then Amanda with plums from the farm.

We all brought our knitting.

Paige had the table set with food and drinks.

We ate, we talked, we laughed, and we cried.

My words right now won't even come close to expressing what we shared with one another last night.

I can say that the friendships we have grown are real and are beautiful.

And I can say that I have never had a circle of women that have inspired me so much.

We didn't knit. Nothing horrible or dramatic happend.

Just words of affirmation.

Words that will..."echo in my head"...long after last night.

off their arms

Since last Friday my days have been full of family, friends and fun! I will recap all my adventures in a brief update.

Katie, Jakes sister, visited me Friday afternoon and stayed the night in my little apartment! It was so great to have her at my place, I kept saying that it was so fun to have someone else around!

Saturday night I watched Lost in Translation with Paige and Luke. The movie is absolutely beautiful and I loved it.

Sunday my parents came up and we visited both my Grandma's, Adeline and Shirley. Played cards with Adeline, who is a spunky 91 years old. I locked my keys in my car and Grandma Shirley helped me out again (she has AAA; this is the second time I have locked my keys in my car...the first time I had hit the car in front of me and while getting out I locked the door with the car running).

Yesterday my Dad came up for dinner and Howard Pulley basketball. My aunts and uncles were at the game as well (the Howard Pulley tournament goes on all summer; teams consist of current, past, and future U of M players and other Minnesota boys who play with colleges around the country). My Dad and I like to sit in the front row, that way we are the closest to the players; we can actually see the sweat dripping off their arms.

community supported

I was in Northfield Minnesota today spending the day with my friend Amanda. She is involved with an organic Community Supported Farm; they harvest every Monday and Thursday and bring the shares into town.

I helped this afternoon and it was amazing! The process, the art, and the outcome of this food is beautiful. So much time and labor is put into growing and farming the land.

The concept of a Community Supported Farm is wonderful and something I believe in strongly. In the future I hope to be a part of something like the farm I visited today.

All of the food in the photographs (plus much more) I got to bring home with me! Yummy!


Onions.

Beets.

Squash.

Broccoli.

Potatoes.

late last night

I finished late last night. I cried. I went to sleep dreaming of Harry Potter.

sailing, laziness, and rain

After a fabulous dinner with my parents Saturday and watching Hotel Rwanda (which is a very intense movie) that night...Jake and I headed back to St. Paul Sunday morning. We met Paige, Allisa, Delip, and Amanda at Keys (which is the restaurant below Paige's downtown loft).

We all stuffed into Delip's Buick LeSabre (yup, all six of us fit!) and headed to White Bear Lake for a day of sailing! After I applied SPF 30 to my entire body I was ready to set sail. Even though Amanda sprained her ankle and Delip almost drowned; it was calm and peaceful out on the water and a wonderful afternoon with my friends!



Jake stayed Sunday night and headed back to Iowa Monday morning. I was completely lazy for the rest of the day. I took a nap, read Harry Potter, watched TV, read some more Harry Potter but then it started to rain.

It was raining SO hard that I couldn't resist going outside. I grabbed my rain coat and umbrella and headed out into my neighborhood. I was the only one out exploring the new surroundings; which had turned the streets into raging rivers, house stairs into cascading waterfalls, and yards into lakes. Gravel parking lots with small paths leading to sidewalks were overtaken by miniature rapids from the rainfall. I walked in ankle deep water wishing I was in a small boat setting sail.

And then I saw the most peculiar thing of all, a sprinkler going off in someone's yard. I felt like screaming, "Don't you see the river outside?! The waterfall coming down your roof?!? The rapids I am fighting to get through this street?!?"

No imagination I thought, no imagination.

change of plans

Jake was going to come to St. Paul on Thursday.
But I got sick.
He came on Friday instead.
We were going to spend the entire weekend in St. Paul.
But after dinner at Punch Pizza we drove to Mankato instead.
We thought we would see our parents that night.
But they all had plans so Jake and I shared a blizzard and rented Million Dollar Baby.
After Jeanette's bridal shower Jake and I were suppose to drive back to St. Paul this afternoon.
But it looks like we might hang in Mankato instead.

two weeks

I rolled into St. Paul yesterday afternoon and it felt great to finally be in my own space after almost two weeks away. I didn't have any toilet paper though.

Today I walked downtown to visit my friends at Starbucks. I have missed them so very much! Allisa, Paige, and Miriam were all there, so it was perfect. I got all caught up on the happenings of their lives and of course a little Starbucks gossip. Things have been busy; Allisa had her first ultra sound, Paige put in her two weeks notice, and Miriam bought a house!

Tomorrow Jake is visiting for the weekend so I hope we can all get together.

Also, Jake finally posted some new illustrations. Check them out at Poorly Illustrated.

glow of my screen

I ask Katie to grab the keys out of my pocket.

I handle the steering wheel with ease as I drive home.

Glancing occasionally when I pass a street light.

With the utmost care I open the box of cereal.

Typing now in the glow of my screen I admire them.

I love the sound of the click click click on my keys.

They are beautiful.

So very pretty.

My ruby red fingernails are hypnotic.

i've been tagged

Since back from Montana I have almost caught up on reading all your blogs, helped my parents begin decluttered their house, and started reading the new Harry Potter. I am officially recovering from my vacation (thank goodness I am unemployed!).

Awhile back Marissa "tagged" me so in reply, this is what I have to say:

Ten years ago:

I was 15 years old and in tenth grade in high school. I played volleyball and ran track (800 meters). I played soccer in the summer. I had braces. I was starting to loose my best girl friend (to her nasty boyfriend). I was in the classic high school mood.

Five years ago:

I was 20 years old and a sophomore in college. This was the year my life changed for the better. I started to make better decisions with school and with my involvement with college. I also started a long distance relationship with Jake!

One year ago:

I was in my last year of graduate school and my last year as a teaching assistant. Second semester of school I moved back home to save money and get away from the annoying girls who had moved into the apartment below me. Living at home again was a blessing.

Yesterday:

I helped my Mom and Dad clean out underneath the steps...OH MY GOSH. We decluttered, organized and chucked some junk! It took us all day.

Today:

Just got back from the DQ and I got to see my friends Meghan and Katie! I caught up on some blog reading and started doing laundry.

Tomorrow:

I want to start working on my photo albums. Go down to Starbucks and visit friends (and pick up tips). Maybe go to the YWCA. Need to go to a work meeting for my apartment building.

Five snacks I enjoy:

Cookies, Blue Chips, Apples and Cheese, Banana Splits, Walnuts.

Five bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs:

This question I do not think I can answer, I am notorious for not knowing the name of a band let alone the lyrics. I like the radio because I can hear all the new songs.

Five things I would do with $100,000,000:

I would start a card shop, I would buy a house for my parents in Minneapolis, I would buy land and build my dream house, I would buy a hybrid car for everyone in my family, and I guess I would go shopping!

Five locations I'd like to run away to:

Italy, New Zealand, California, New York, Maine.

Five bad habits I have:

I procrastinate, I let my dishes build up, I sometimes will not change the toilet paper roll (just set it on top), I procrastinate, I procrastinate.

Five things I like doing:

Take photographs, have Cosmos with my girlfriends, talk on the phone with Jake, write letters, coming home.

Five things I would never wear:

Really lime green, a jumper, really short shorts, pleated pants, tapered jeans.

Five TV shows I like:

The Amazing Race, Survivor, Sex and the City, Six Feet Under, Felicity.

Five movies I like:

Amalie, Hoosiers, Great Expectations, Swiss Family Robinson, Anne of Green Gables.

Five famous people I'd like to meet:

Oh there are too many! Oprah, Julia Roberts, Prince William, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Aniston.

Five biggest joys at the moment:

My trip to Montana, my relationship with Jake, my blog, my current state of unemployment, my upcoming move.

Five favorite toys:

My iBook, digital camera, my handheld solitaire game, my bike, my new Harry Potter book.

Wow, that is harder than it looks! Hope everyone is having a good day!

glorified

Yesterday Mom and I drove all day and stopped for dinner in Wall, South Dakota; which is the home of the famous Wall Drug Store! As a kid I remember running through all the little shops and thinking there was no possible way for me to see everything...it was so much bigger back then. Last night I overheard a man turn to his wife and say,"This town is nothing more than a glorified shopping mall." Even though Wall Drug is silly and overdone it is an experience and a fine place to rest on a long rode trip.



Montana is breathtakingly beautiful but the home Cindy and Darius have created there is even more beautiful. I thank them for such a wonderful week!





This trip with my Mom was wonderful. We laughed a lot and realized we can take trips with just the two of us...and not go completely crazy.

painted meadows

On our hike today Cindy, Mom and I enjoyed painted meadows of yellow, white, blue, orange, and purple wildflowers. It was a perfect day with a wide open Big Sky view of the mountain valley.

Tomorrow Mom and I are leaving for Minnesota early, the beauty of Montana will be hard to leave.

through the glass

horses, horses, horses

Today I wanted to be from Montana. I wanted to have grown up with horses. I wanted to gallop away into the mountains. But most of all I wanted to be a cowgirl.

random beautiful

Taking almost 150 pictures today in Yellowstone National Park was my pleasure. The pure beauty of nature and wildlife was absolutely breaktaking. It is also the perfect backdrop for taking photographs of people, just random beautiful people.

cows and hay bales

cows and hay bales
Originally uploaded by akl.

Across Minnesota, across South Dakota, halfway across Wyoming and finally Montana!

The South Dakota view from the car consisted of cows, hay bales and rest stops. Today the view from the car consisted of more cows, hay bales, horses, and eventually mountains. The heat rose as we moved west. Today it reached an incredible 103 degrees in Wyoming.

Last night we were in Rapid City, South Dakota. We stayed with our friends Jerry and Carol (who just moved from Mankato last week!). We had a fabulous dinner and enjoyed visiting with them.

Today we arrived at Cindy and Darius's home in Big Sky Montana. We drove into the Gallatin Canyon along the Gallatin River (the movie A River Runs Through It was filmed on this river) and it was amazing. I had a hard time staying on the road!

Tomorrow we are all heading to Yellowstone.

p.s. Did I mention that Cindy and Darius have wireless?!!!

road trip

Tomorrow morning I leave on a road trip to Big Sky, Montana with my Mom. We are staying with Cindy and Darius, my God parents, who have also been my Moms friends since high school.

I have packed my cell phone with car and wall charger, digital camera and charger (borrowing Jakes camera), and my iBook and charger. Oh, and I guess I packed some clothes too.

I really don't know how much I will be on the Internet in the next eight days...So, please forgive me if I am unable to visit your blogs---it doesn't mean I am ignoring you!!!

dish towel

fireworks
Originally uploaded by akl.

As Jake and I pulled up into my driveway last night we could see he was already up there with tri-pod and camera set. Completely decked out in full National Geographic Photo-Shoot Attire my Dad was prepared with long sleeves and pants along with a hat and dish towel under it.

No mosquito's were going to distract this photographer.

I ran inside to get my Mom just as she is stumbling out of her bedroom from taking a nap. She also had prepared for the night.

We all head up the ladder to the roof to watch the show. The show was great, my Dad taking pictures the whole time, my Mom and I ewing and awing, and Jake running back and forth between helping my Dad and sitting with us...

After climbing down from the roof and uploading all the pictures onto the iMac, we enjoyed a slide show of the fireworks now accompanied by the William Tell Overture. No mosquito's this time.

poorly illustrated

jake high point
Originally uploaded by akl.

This is the photo I was trying to upload when the conversation with my neighbor occurred (see previous post)!

That is a picture of Jake almost on the top of Maine. The photo was taken by our friend Matt, who we both went to high school with, who I was in church bell choir with, who plays the drums tremendously well, who we both think will be famous for it someday.

Jakes new blog is called Poorly Illustrated. This picture is not poorly illustrated.

linksys

Oh no!

I am sitting at my south window with my lap top on the sill (it is sorta like my office) trying to upload a picture to my blog and talking to Jake on speaker phone at the same time.

As I glance down to my neighbor who just came into his backyard (I have suspected his house to be my benefactor for the majority of my wireless connection) I notice he is looking up at me...I wave down at him and he waves back.

We say, "Hello."

He then asks, "Are you picking up wireless?"

I say, "Ah yeah, sometimes I can."

He curiously asks, "Which network are you on?"

I say, "Oh, usually it is called default."

I ask, "Do you have wireless? What is your network?"

He says, "It is cleverly called linksys."

I think, shit, that is the network I am currently on....

He continues, "Yeah...I should probably put up a firewall."

I say, "Well, hey, I am only here for two more months...If you do, you do, if you don't that would be great!"

We sorta laugh about the situation---me sitting at my window--he paying for my Internet.

Shit.

roof top

I was on the roof of my apartment building last night watching some fireworks from, Taste of Minnesota ,which started yesterday on Harriet Island.

It was one of those perfect nights with a nice cool breeze. I had never been up on the roof before and it was amazing. Some of the houses in my neighborhood are higher than my apartment building!

Right now I am still in St. Paul trying to get some things done before I head down to Mankato for the weekend.

I wish everyone a wonderful Fourth of July!

garlic powder

I woke up with a sense of completion. It was my last day at Starbucks.

I thought maybe I could avoid my overly sentimental self and go through the day without too much attention.

Well, as soon as I took a picture of me getting on the bus to go to work for the last time...I knew it would not be the case.

I had a great morning with Allisa, Paige, and Eddie (they call us the A Team). I made them pose for some more pictures (they only gave me a little grief). It is hard to imagine not...knowing that I will see them everyday. No matter how much I was ready to do something different with my life, I feel so lucky to have spent this year working at a Starbucks in downtown St. Paul, with them. It makes it all worth it.

I said my good-byes to the regualr customers and appreciated everyone's well wishes.

"You know, now that Anne's gone, this coffee just doesn't taste the same...

Mine either.

Do you guys realize that you poured garlic powder into your coffee?"

Along with a perfect illustration, this was my good-bye card from Dave, Mark, and Craig. Three hilarious customers that I had the pleasure of getting to know this past year. They always made me laugh! Thank you Dave for making such a funny card, I love it.

im blogging this

The invite asked, "What could be better than Sex and the City??? Knitting in the Country (while watching Sex and the City of course)."

Last night Allisa, Paige (and Luke), Chanda (and Bryan) and myself all traveled to Northfield Minnesota for knitting club (the boys went away when we all arrived at Amanda and Matt's house). We all gathered around fresh strawberries from the farm, basil, tomatoes, and mozzarella and of course some minty mohitto's. The night really was fabulous and I feel more lucky than ever to call these women my friends. I always feel inspired and silly when we are together!

To toast my last days at Starbucks and our friendship, Paige made me a gift. A t-shirt with, IM BLOGGING THIS, on the front. Is that not perfect or what?! (I am wearing it right now!)

After getting home at midnight and getting up at 5:30 am for work...I was excited to come home to relax the afternoon away.

Then my phone rang.

It was my friend Meghan from Mankato, she was downtown looking for my Starbucks to surprise me! I told her I was done with work and I gave her directions to my apartment. I knew she was only like 8 minutes away.

These are the panicked thoughts running through my head:

OH MY GOSH. My apartment is a disaster. I have been using those big soup spoons for cereal...because I have been too lazy to wash the regular spoons...I think every bowl I own is scattered around my apartment...there are clothes all over the place. YIKES. I have eight minutes...okay, I CAN DO THIS.

I picked up all my clothes and threw them into the hamper. I straighten my towels on my towel rack. I picked up every random piece of paper and miscellaneous item and threw them all in my closet. Then I surveyed the dishes situation. There was no way l could wash them all...I then had a truly brilliant idea.

I stuffed as many bowls, spoons, glasses, and mugs as I could into my oven and shut the door.

With sweat dripping off my forehead I hear my phone ring...it is Meghan, she is just around the corner.

As I am telling her to make a left, then a right hand turn...my vacuum is being plugged in and as we hang up I am already vacuuming my rug...I shake out my down comforter and I am done.

I greet her at the door with my new t-shirt on and she thinks my place is perfect!

The whole time I was thinking, IM BLOGGING THIS.

take the cannoli

take the cannoli
Originally uploaded by akl.

Last night I stayed up late reading Take the Cannoli, Stories from the New World by Sarah Vowel. This is a fantastic book, extremely hilarious and refreshing!

And for some reason I have the day off today (even though it is my last week of work and I need all the money I can get...my manager still gives me a day off! Gee, thanks!).

Anyway, I of course want to be productive on my day off...but as of yet, this has not occurred. I have however, slept all morning, checked my e-mail and blogged, ate some Grape Nuts, and now I am thinking about reading my book...or maybe not.

radishes

I went to work at 6 am this morning and rang up customers all day...it was very mundane. I am okay with it though because this is my last week of work at Starbucks. I will be officially unemployed next week.

Steve (a very regular customer) came in to say good-bye today. He gave me a very nice card.

After work I caught the bus up the hill to my apartment and watched Wimbledon for a bit (Did Davenport eventually win?). Turned the TV off and caught up on some blog reading and commenting.

I am now eating Blue Chips and drinking Iced Green Tea.

I was inspired today by some fellow bloggers (Thanks Still Figuring Out and Marissa!) to add some fun tidbits (is that a word?) about myself; here are three to get you started!

1. I would rather get up super early than stay up real late.

2. I collect foreign coins (all from our "Tip Jars" at work) and keep them in a little circular box next to my bed.

3. I bought radishes at the Co-op the other day because I thought they looked beautiful. I don't even like radishes.

pillsbury flour

pillsbury flour
Originally uploaded by akl.

Casey and I spent this day together. We had lunch at my apartment and then headed out for some ice cream at Izzy's (famous for their Izzy scoop, which is an extra mini scoop of any flavor). Casey had a cup of salted carmel ice cream with peace coffee as his Izzy and I had my favorite chocolate chip ice cream with chocolate almond as my Izzy.

After enjoying our Izzy's we went for a walk around the campus of St. Thomas College in St. Paul. We sat and talked for a long time and eventually headed back to my apartment. We decided for dinner Nia's Pizza in Minneapolis. We sat outside and I pretended we were at some cafe in Europe or at some bistro in New York (I love to pretend), we laughed and imagined where life would take us.

As we were heading out we stopped to take photographs of the old Pillsbury Flour mill. It was beautiful with the sun setting around the abandoned mill and over-grown train tracks. We goofed around and took some silly shots on the train tracks and then explored closer to the mill, after we noticed the No Trespassing sign we headed out!

When Casey and I met the summer before 10th grade we were only 15 years old. We both had crushes on each other and eventually started "going out." More importantly we became best friends.

I remember sitting up late at night writing him silly letters that I would give him the next day at school. (To this day he has a box full of notes, letters, and small treasures I gave him that 10th grade year). Even though we didn't go out forever...we have remained the greatest of friends. It doesn't matter how long we have not spoken, we always just pick up where we left off. No one can take away our summer of biking everywhere, swimming at Luke's pool, Mr. Halstead's art classes, skiing at Mt. Kato, CARL, or even Ping Pong in the basement.