Tuesday, May 17, 2005

change is good

Even though my weekends and my entries might make me sound busy...it doesn't mean I am completely satisfied. The past few weeks have been crazy and I haven't really expressed what has been going on in my life.

I want a different job. My one year anniversary at Starbucks is coming up and I can't believe a year has already gone by. I don't like working there as much as I used to and it is getting really hard putting on a happy face.

I really miss Jake and being apart for almost six years is really sucking right now...so I started to think about moving to Ames! Being from the same hometown has been a blessing and being in school had always been a good distraction (from actually being apart). Now that school is over for me (Jake has one more semester for graduate school)...it really has been hard being apart. I never (really) wanted to live in Ames but lately the move seems like the right thing for me and for us. It is exciting to think about actually being in the same state, let alone the same city!!!

After a few weeks of really thinking about moving...I got a call from The College of St. Catherine, in St. Paul, about a job opening for Admission Counselor (a few months ago I had started applying for different jobs and had contacted St. Kate's and never heard back from them until last Monday). I did apply for the job, however, I also am applying for jobs in Ames. All of these moves would not occur until the end of the summer...

I feel overwhelmed, I feel nervous, I feel excited, and I feel weird.

Through all of these emotions I have spoken with Jake, my parents, my brother, my aunt, my cousins, my grandma, Jakes mom, brother and sister, and my good friends here in St. Paul and in Wisconsin...Everyone has been so encouraging and supportive. Thank you!!

Nothing is definite but I can't wait to find out what happens! Change is good.


religion ed said...

Change IS overwhelming, nerve-wracking, exciting and weird. And, one hopes more often than not, good. As a Libra who weighs options to the point of obsession and indecisiveness, I have taken solace in the oft-quoted letter from German poet Rainer Maria Rilke to a fellow poet. Rilke, who wrote these words when he was a mere 27 years old, said: “I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.’’ That’s the patience part. The faith part comes from the hope expressed in a Unitarian hymn I once heard: “I know this rose will open. I know my fear will burn away. I know my soul will unfurl its wings. I know this rose will open.’’ With that, I’m off to Chicago for a time, briefly leaving behind the minutiae of the daily routine for the grandeur of the city. I will, however, miss the wonderful daily routine of a tall chai. P.S. While it is true that putting on a happy face can and does change a little corner of the world immeasurably for the better, being real and honest about one’s life is an even more lasting goodness.

Anne said...

Religion Ed,

I thank you for your thoughtful words of wisdom and beautiful quotes.

Have fun in Chicago...I am sure you can pick up a tall chai there!

Jayleigh said...

Good luck in finding another job and in finding time to spend with Jake.